There's static everywhere. Vague ideas form grey-grey-white-black shapes, almost indiscernible against the grey-grey-white-black background. flicker, flicker, flicker. Everything is jumbled and it's such an extraordinary amount of effort to collect these hazy half-ideas, quarter-musings, fractions of fragments and mould them into something resembling a coherent train of thought.
I'm lucky that I don't get the dreaded 'creative block' all too often...
But when I do it's a wall the length and height akin to the greats.
It's that feeling of being hemmed in, closed off, a low-key constant claustrophobia that makes me want to claw at these proverbial walls. Agitated, frustrated, with an exacerbated short-fuse because the only way I feel I can adequately express myself has been barred.
'No sorry not today/this week/this month'.
Usually they're gone within a week - I'll stick on some music, zen myself out until a tiny glimmer of something presents itself, and I'm in a lucid enough state to chase it and carefully construct a better, brighter thing to kickstart the creative process.
But right now I'm in this never-ending all-encompassing darkness. A stark contrast to the crisp white pages and the blinking cursor reminding me of that 0 words out of however many. I look tired because I am tired - for all this empty space and lack of light, the rest of my brain is still all the sounds all the time
sleep is but a fear-ridden whisper away.
what if this doesn't clear and we're stuck at this point
I'm in Rome right now and I feel like this was a bad decision - I was hoping that such a beautiful, historical city would help unlock some secret door in this horribly high creative blockade. So far I feel possibly more trapped than ever - don't like any of my photographs and I'm at a loss of what shots to take. It's disheartening.
But I think I'll try the 'keep going till it breaks' tactic. I don't really have room to take a step back and re-evaluate things right now. It might just be some elevated cabin-fever feelings from something I can't isolate right now. It might be gone within a week.
Let's hope, ey.