7 Feb 2016

On being Single


the good parts of being single

Ah February. The month where suddenly everything is heart shaped, and we all sit in this weird chocolate battle between selection boxes and Easter eggs. In the great Valentine's debate, I'm a solid fence sitter: not really for, not really against, though I wasn't a fan during the stint in Korea. They have too many couple days - dating culture is intense. 

Speaking of dating culture, or just dating actually, I find it kind of weird people get surprised when I say 'I'm not looking for a boyfriend'. Prompted, obviously. I'm not wandering around just telling absolute randoms  whenever the mood strikes. That would be odd.  But it feels like the decision to not want to be attached to someone else  is a strange one to make, or that it's not a decision you've made and there is actually something wrong with you - though that's another kettle of fish and a different post entirely - and that the single life is sad and dull and not desirable.

Which is all rubbish because being single is pretty ace. 



The last time I was in anything that would even moderately resemble a relationship was nearly 2 years ago now. It ended well, before anyone assumes that a bad breakup spurred a dating hiatus, I just haven't really felt compelled to do the dating thing. And over that nearly 2 year time span, I've learned quite a few things, and quite enjoy being a lil' single pringle. I'm also not saying that you can't learn these things too if you're in a relationship or playing the dating game, it just took me not dating to realise some of them :)


working on yourself - or at least having the time to work on yourself  free from someone else's expectations of who and what you are. I've changed so much as a person so quickly through school, my gap year, and the first three years of uni that I found it hard to catch up with myself. Like, who am I? Hi me, meet me. I don't really feel comfortable being with someone when I don't even really know myself - and I mean know the basics of myself, rather than the things you can discover by meeting new people - having introspective, evaluative time in a period of life where I'm hurtling along pretty damn fast is nice. 


recovery - I've mentioned this a couple of times, well, glossed over it really, but 2 years ago I was not in a good place mentally and it's something that I'd been in and out of since high school. Last year wasn't swell either, but having the space and the ability to withdraw and assess without having to explain myself to anyone, really, or worry others was quite freeing. 


self worth, self love and confidence -  to quote RuPaul: If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Self worth is best sourced from within, I believe. Validation and confirmation from outside sources (family, friends, significant others, strangers on the internet) are nice in cementing the building blocks and stroking the ego, but if the starting point isn't inside it can all get a bit rocky. I didn't think I based my self worth on other people until I started really looking into myself - I've never really had a lot of confidence in certain areas and didn't click the two were linked. Self acceptance and self love have helped the way I view and value myself - bye toxic people, and time wasters - and with it my confidence has grown, I know the sort of person I want to avoid dating, and the types of people I want in my life. I also don't think I would be at the stage I am now bouncing from relationship to relationship.



There are other things I love about being single too, the freedom is lovely, not having to juggle my already precious time between more things is fab - since I try to be organised and it just... doesn't happen sometimes. I also get to focus on uni work without more distractions, which is great. I'm all for relationships, just not right now for me.



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13 comments

  1. I really enjoyed this post. I always think people assume that if you are happy being single you're either lying or there is something wrong with you which is so wrong!

    http://zoeisclueless.com

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  2. I've never been in a relationship but actually I'm not bothered about being in a relationship or not. I don't want to force anything and I'm happy not having to compromise for someone else at the moment. I've really taken 2015 as a find myself year and discover who I am.

    Sally ~ DiagonSally

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  3. Aww, totally agree with this. Since I started my series about being single, I've definitely come to appreciate it a little more. Like honestly being single can be such a good thing, especially if you need to work on yourself :)

    vvnightingale.com

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  4. This was a great post, even though I am in a relationship I really agree with you! It doesn't mean that you are boring or lonely etc it can be a great time to build yourself up and look after you xxx

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  5. I totally get this, even though I'm in a relationship haha. I'm in a long distance relationship and in part we enjoy it, as it gives us time to focus on our own goals and aspirations (get jobs that suit us, no pressure with bills etc.) Don't get me wrong, it sucks. But there's always a positive.

    E x
    elleanorwears.com

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  6. This is a really good post. There are so many great things about being single and there really is no point in ever 'wanting a boyfriend'. Being with or dating the 'wrong' person is not very enjoyable at all and so it makes a lot more sense to live life and have fun with yourself, with friends, with loads of amazing people and if someone does come into your life romantically, then that is an added bonus :)

    Sarah xxx www.whatsasssays.com

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  7. I love you, Fii. I plan to spend my Valentine's like I have the last two: making worm faces and drinking pink wine.

    x

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  8. I love you <3 Also you made me giggle with this.. 'Prompted, obviously. I'm not wandering around just telling absolute randoms whenever the mood strikes.'

    Brilliantly written, and even though Im coupled up, I found myself nodding along as this is exactly how I felt last time I was single! xx

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  9. Such good points! I came out of a 4 and a half year relationship 1 and a half years ago. At first I felt lost and didn't know what to do, but then my life started again. And by that I mean I got back into touch with myself, my needs/wants and all that jazz. I started focusing on just myself, and I feel like I've grown so much in this time compared to the me in that relationship. I am feeling like I'm ready to share my life with someone else now, but it's not something I need anymore. I'm quite happy being single and if a relationship happens, it happens!

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  10. I agree with everything you say, even though I'm currently in a relationship. The way I see it, there's no reason to be in a relationship - just to have a boyfriend. In my past relationship I didn't have room 'for me', to be my own person - I was in a bad place, and was completely dependent of him validating me. That's seriously toxic - luckily I've found someone who allows me to be me and grow, and I try to the same for him.
    xx

    - Anne | annesmiles

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  11. Love this post, I'm not single but i can relate to the love and care you need to give yourself, which i forget to do
    Love Vicki | victoriajanex.co.uk

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  12. Great post. So many people are quick to judge if you have an opinion or belief that is against 'the norm.' Whether that's not wanting a relationship, not wanting children, wanting to be a housewife, or wanting to be a career woman. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You do you - after all, only you know yourself best. x www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

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  13. I love this post so much!! xx

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