26 Aug 2015

(how to deal with) Mean Girls


mean girls - bullying help


mean girls - bullying help

top- korean street store / skorts - korean street store / jacket - h&m / boots - boohoo

I'm a massive fan of anything with quotes from 'Mean Girls'. It's a classic. Film of many a childhood and relevant to almost every situation - although I don't always wear pink on Wednesdays. It's accidentally a slightly accurate look at the inner workings of the High School Hierarchy, isn't it? As in, your parents watched it and go 'oh it can't be that bad' while you're mentally assigning people in your class/year/school characters.

There was an article in The Sunday Times this week that tried to explain the findings of a recent survey conducted by the Uni of York and The Children's Society, subject: happiness in kids at school. The articles' author explored two causes: bullying and exams, ultimately deciding that exams were the root of the issue.

Now, I'm not saying that exam pressure and all the stress that comes with wanting to do well is not a very real cause of school-age unhappiness, especially when the extra layer of teacher/peer/parental expectation gets added into the mix. It's a vicious thing to experience, but the way this article was written, to me portrayed bullying in school as nothing more than a little light teasing, that kids were far too sensitive and it wasn't as serious cause of unhappiness.

Which I think is a really dangerous thing.

If you're reiterating to parents/parental figures (those who watch mean girls and think it can't be that bad) that bullying is no more than a little light teasing and character building, then you're trivialising an issue that causes young people to develop an awful lot of issue, and at worse, end their lives. Sure, there may not be the extremes that the film Mean Girls portrays (I haven't yet encountered a Burn Book, nor seen anyone be accidentally pushed in front of a bus) in some cases, but bullying is probably the leading cause of unhappiness in children. Kids can be mean, and that unchecked behaviour can result in individuals in later life who think nothing of how they treat people.

Cheery, ey.

There are ways to deal with bullying that don't involve convincing the new girl to infiltrate their ranks, because that never ends well.



For those experiencing it:


- tell someone! and explain why it's making you feel upset.
- try not to react in a way they'd want, as that gives them satisfaction. if you can hold off that feeling of satisfaction you take their power away from them
- try to not actively avoid them, don't give them more power
- however, if you are in a situation where you can limit the amount of time you have to spend with them, do that.
- find something that you love to do that distracts from the situation and that may also expand your social circle. having something to channel your emotions into.



For parents/adults


- it takes a lot for people to admit things aren't great, so don't dismiss reports of bullying as nothing. it may not be the most serious of instances, but if it's making someone you have a duty of care to upset, please don't just dismiss it

- try not to rationalise the behaviour of the bully (i.e. boys will be boys/ the perpetrator is going through a hard time etc), because it may start the victim on a path of thinking it's their fault, and also  normalises the acts to those that are carrying them out.

there may indeed be deeper issues that are causing someone to act out, but giving them a valid reason to bully someone teaches them that it's something that an authoritative figure green lights.

- actually uphold 'anti-bullying' standards in schools. deterrents don't work unless there are actual consequences.



As I'm all for discussion, what are your thoughts on this matter? Are kids these days too sensitive, and are we dubbing the slightest bit of cattiness as bullying?



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17 comments

  1. Great tips. Personally, I think that today is much better than before. Bullying and social issues are more talked about and personally I think that bullying has decreased somewhat, at least the physical kind. But at the same time we now have social media, which can really be horrible for some people. Once you're being bullied online, it's going to be there for a long time. I don't think that people are getting too sensitive, I just think the world is getting a bit harsher nowadays.

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    Replies
    1. It's a really good thing that it's being talked about more freely, I've not been out of compulsory education *that* long, but it's good to hear that you think the situation has improved. And then you have the double edged sword that is social media, which people are still sorting boundaries for.

      Ty for your comment Sara :)

      xo

      Delete
  2. This is a difficult one for me. I never experienced or saw anybody else experience what I'd call outright bullying while I was at school, but there was a lot of girl-on-girl bitchiness. I don't think there was a single girl in the school who hadn't been both victim and perpetrator, so in that way, I think it was almost a rite of passage for becoming a decent young woman. That being said, I think we live in a culture that encourages this kind of behaviour, and that's definitely something that needs to be looked at. Hate between girls is almost always based on looks or assumptions about sexual experiences and I believe this could be helped by looking at the effect of our sexist, pornified culture on adolescents. PHEW deep! x

    Martha Jane | www.marthajanemusic.com

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    Replies
    1. That's a really good point Martha, I definitely think that overhauling our culture and thus it's effects on the younger generation would be a good thing. Remove the need to one-up each other and be more desirable, and remove the teaching that that is all that's required of girls/women in society and school life would probably be a much more enjoyable place.

      Thanks for this extra gem of a comment, and don't worry I enjoy getting deep ;)

      xo

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  3. I totally love your t-shirt !
    Xoxo

    www.atwednesdaysiwearpink.blogspot.pt

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  4. I totally agree with this and don't think parents actually understand, I grew up with my nan and she didn't realise how it can lead from the classroom, to the computer...and even worse so ya know it's the parents who need educating more too especially if someone is brave enough to speak out. ANYWAY I do love your outfit ya know xxx

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    Replies
    1. Def agree that parents need educating, especially as kids become more electronically engaged.

      Awh thank you boo :D
      x

      Delete
  5. I do think that if comments someone is getting from someone does make them feel uncomfortable in anyway, that's bullying. And that they should tell someone. Whether that's online, or a parent...whoever. That's the good side of the internet. I know when I was at school, I was bullied and it was in the days of MySpace etc...and I told a few people online and it didn't TOTALLY help, but hearing from people that I wasn't in the wrong (seeing as I was being bullied for wearing glasses), it made me feel a little better, and then eventually went to teachers and my parents.

    But I think overall, bullying needs to be talked about in schools etc. Not just regarding school, but in regards to sexism, racism etc...

    And can I just say I love your outfit, it's faaaaaahbulous.

    Meg | A Little Twist Of…

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    Replies
    1. I so agree that more needs to be covered more in school, especially in regards to sexism and racism. There's so much more that needs to be covered in schools tbh.

      And ty Meg!

      xo

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  6. Love the collocation - very classy and stylish! you have great fashion sense! :)

    Shay & MissyDress

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  7. To be honest I don't even try to deal with it, I just ignore it and little by little they just forget about me

    http://luxurysmoland.blogspot.pt/

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  8. Amazing post! I totally agree with you and don't think parents actually understand what school is like today for some people! Bullying should definitely be discussed more, especially in schools as a lot of the time its all kept on the down low and a lot of the time teachers don't even notice! Also, thank you for the lovely comment on my recent post, I really appreciate it. Have a fab day!

    Karolina
    www.brunette-wavez.blogspot.ie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very interesting read. Bully has transformed over the years to what most know as cyber bullying. My viewpoints on that is a bit different than traditional bullying because you can just "log off." However with traditional bullying you do not have that pleasure.
    With Love, Banke | A Fashion Blog

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very interesting read. Bully has transformed over the years to what most know as cyber bullying. My viewpoints on that is a bit different than traditional bullying because you can just "log off." However with traditional bullying you do not have that pleasure.
    With Love, Banke | A Fashion Blog

    ReplyDelete
  11. love the bright pop of colour! x

    http://styleflaw.blogspot.co.uk/

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  12. Absolutely love this post lady, love that you've turned an outfit post into something so positive!

    Elle
    www.theellenextdoor.com
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ah this is such a great blogpost. Thank you so much for sharing and wanting to help others in a situation like that. You're amazing girl!!

    Love, kerstin
    http://www.missgetaway.com

    ReplyDelete

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